Lord of the 金箍棒 - Return of the (Monkey) King

I guess it was suppose to turn out an epic, and the audience of the western world would probably think it so. I mean, it's a big budget hollywood production starred by arguably the two most reknowned martial artists of this generation. It's got breathtaking scenaries, exotic sets and stunning special effects. And of course, it also stars the angelic Liu Yi Fei.

But show it to chinese audience, and we will find it quite a comedy. The entire feel of the movie is like LOTR of the east, complete with Mount Doom lookalike 五行山.

There's a fellowship of misfits: drunken fake immortal aka Kay Sian; Monkey King's Hair turned Monk, Ang Mo teenager from USA (they die die must have an ang mo save the fricking day regardless the setting! Goodness!) and my angelic Liu Yi Fei (acting the part of a pouty Zhang Zi Yi).

There's a long journey fraught with assassins and ambushes.

There's a Rivendale-like haven before the final assault (aka 少林寺 but the constructed set is a sorry effort to those who have seen the real thing.)

There's a practically inassailable enemy stronghold (but piece of cake for any decent self-respecting heroes and heroines of an epic movie).

And the most funny thing is the constant slew of exotic, idiomic-sounding, philosophical-like rambling that sound like they were translated from Chinese. But read the chinese subtitles and you will find that the Chinese version is no less convoluted and definitely nothing I have heard before.

And they did not event bother to think of new names: Liu Yi Fei is 金燕子 (i.e., the Golden Sparrow) and Li Bing Bing is 白发魔女 (which the subtitle tells us is "the one raised by wolves", i.e., the true blue 练霓裳 from 梁羽生's 白发魔女。)

The final straw is when Ang Mo return to his own time and place, he discovers Liu Yi Fei is the girl running a memorabilia store next door and the name of the store is the Golden Sparrow. Parrot can only say: "Sai!"

Apart from the ok action scenes, I guess the only redeeming quality is (not Liu Yi Fei) but Li Bing Bing who is at her most beautiful ( I think) as 白发魔女。I've never considered her very beautiful but she looks absolutely stunning here.

In case you still haven't realise by now, I was talking about The Forbidden Kingdom.

Boring ...

Have come to realise how boring Parrot's blog is ...

His friends blog about a myriad of subjects ....

Bags and shoes and anything shopping ...

Newborns and injections and other teething issues ...

Photography and Food and Golf and other interesting pastimes ...

Problems at work and home ...

Political commentaries and plunging necklines ...

And of course, VB's perpetually and persistently non-existent love life and his incessant lamentations ...

And you'd have thought the pirate would be the funky one ...

Parrot's New Movie Resolution

Wicked!

Poster looks good. =)

Well, it's got Wolverine so it can't be that bad ... or can it?

Cool!

Just wanted to see the hardware.

Leslie Nielson II in the making?

Well?

Well, what do you expect from someone who claps in delight while watching JD goof it up in Pirates of the Caribbean?

AL Ego Trip

I'm never in the habit of checking my movie tickets after buying them. I know it's good practice but I never could remember. Most of the time this wouldn't have caused any problems. So far, there has only been one occasion where i got, by mistake, tickets for an earlier session of a movie than what I had intended. Imagine my surprise when I entered the theatre to find that the movie was halfway through.

Of course, the more astute amoing you would have have guessed by now where this entry is leading to. Yes, I had neglected, yet again, to check my tickets and the only reason I'm writing about it is because I got the wrong tickets. Instead of being treated to a healthy dosage of vintage Donnie Yen style and action, I had to ensure nearly 2 hours of sammo hung playing the bad guy in the crappy 《三国：见龙卸甲》.

Well, almost everyone else is a bad guy or simply inconsequential in this movie beside the main character. Why? Probably because the main character is played by Mr Andy Lau. Somehow, every movie with him in it seemed to turn out into an AL ego-trip. I thought he had reformed after The Warlords but no. It feels like watching 《墨攻》 all over again. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure many of you who knows me know that I'm a diehard fan of anything related to the Three Kingdoms (the era, not the movie). But the liberal artisitic licence taken by the scriptwriter and in the movie is simply unacceptable.

Friends familiar with the Annals of the Three Kingdoms (《三国志》) or the historical novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms (《三国演义》) will be in for a rude shock. Famous and important people during that time were made potrayed as baddies or made inconsequential beside 2 fictional characters and the main character Zhao Yun, probably in order not to steal the thunder from Zhao Yun, or rather, AL. Liu Bei and Cao Cao had a few cameo, as does the Five Tiger General, even though they played key roles in the events during Zhao Yun's life and in their interactions with him. Zhuge Liang was portrayed as an unscrupulous strategist. Historical details are blatantly twisted or ignored to turn Zhao Yun, or rather AL, into a tragic hero. Costumes and props take on a stylo-mylo japanese style, probably to make the movie increase the flashy factor, probably because its an AL ego trip.

There countless other things. Such as the ensemble cast assembled just to make brief cardboard appearances. The choice of Vaness Wu as Guan Xing. Maggie Q who looked like she stepped out from a Japanese bastardisation of the historical period among other things. Definitely a far cry from the gritty Warlords.

Moral of the story: check your tickets before leaving the counter! Lest you fumble into another AL ego trip.